Sorry

Sorry I was busy with black history month activities. Next month should be less chaotic, its womens history month or some travesty like that.

They Go Crazy When They See Me

I went to a resume help session. Many of the kids were extremely driven and were asking questions about how many internships they should include, what order club presidencies should be listed, and I think some students just raised there hands and mentioned they traded a personaility and creativity for 4.0s. Besides getting angry that i was competing with the souless, I started to ponder what things on my resume would make me stand out. Under other related job skills, I am planning to write 'asian people love me' (which happens to be true) Business is globablizing and there are billions of Asian people that need someone to give their money to; I would prefer they would give their money to me. Being loved by an entire race of people is not something earned from a class or a skill that can be downloaded from a peer 2 peer. I was born with this and plan to use it to distinguish myself from the masses of northfaces and uggs attached to bodies.

Applied Application

Sweat descends from my forehead, down my cheek, and forms beads that fall from my chin. I am breathing rapidly and my muscles are tense in my biceps and abdomen. I grunt to indicate I have made progress. This is not the inception of my second new years resolution (dubbed operation impregnate a female and abandon her to make the biggest decision of her life alone). This is me versus the pull-up bar in middle school gym. Physical education is not taken seriously by most because of its lack of real world practicality. There should never be a job interview I go to in where the deciding factor of my employment involves push-ups and crunches. Physical Education instructors would gain more accolades if they used their class to help with real life situations. For example, there should be a unit on evading slow-walkers (teaching a way to pass slow inefficient people you are stuck behind who make you late for things and give you sidewalk-road rage). It is very hard to pass slow walkers because they usually take up a lot of space, weave in and out of walking paths, and could speed up at any moment just to be even more obnoxious. If gym taught me to gracefully pass these people using a combination of back flips, modern dance, pure speed, and the type of martial arts Jennifer Lopez learned for the movie Enough I would have appreciated P.E. 400% more. Hopefully radical free thinking athletic instructors are already toying with this idea and bracing for an academic revolution.

Mysterious Ways

Renee Descartes has tried to prove the existance of God in his book, Meditations on First Philosophy. Since then, many other philosophers and people in general have tried to reason if there is a God. Sometimes this belief is questioned. For instance, people in Indonesia were not estatic when a giant wave destroyed the lives and property of thousands. It is difficult for an Indonesian who had very little to begin with, and then loses everything, to approach church with a heart brimming with faith. There are countless other examples of seemingly unfair occurances including terminal ilnesses, the loss of a loved one, and the armenian massacre of the early 20th century. The answer that many provide is that God works in mysterious ways. Like... I guess... there was some divine reason for an Armenian genocide from 1915 to 1917. I have recently had my own conflict of faith. I have not been able to find the nintendo wii anywhere. I've been calling a whole bunch of video game and electronics stores. The result is constant rejection fused with laughter and a type of depression that I thought only existed in Spanish independent films . Maybe God has a purpose for holding the wii in back order for so long after the holiday season. But if God is hoarding hundreds of wiis I still can't figure out why playing 100 systems of revolutionary interface and completely unique gaming experience would be better than just using one. I guess the overrated band U2 was correct when Bono sung, "It's all right, it's all right, it's all right/ she moves in mysterious ways/ O-o-oh"

When good turns to medium

My New Years resolution is to make friends with a native american (a redskinted person). Hopefully already domesticated... I don't want to have to find a wild one and have to train it myself. This resolution is chosen over standards such as start excersing or stop being a bitch because this would be way more mutually beneficial... Native Americans probably have a plethora of advice and metaphors to impart unto me. And I could teach a native american about what it means to be a real american. It will hopefully end up sort of like film Jungle 2 Jungle staring tim allen. In preparation of my inevitable introduction and befriendment of an american indian i have prepared a list of things that I am assuming my new friend would tell me to do with a deer carcus after I hit a fawn with my camry.
-Seperate deer into 3 catagoeries (luquid, solid, ovulatable)
-If the deer has a baby inside its fertile crescent then you have to deliver the animal and teach it basic survival skills
- For a standard mourning period you should wear only a combination of dark forest grean and olive-infused brown and listen to wind of change by the scorpions for five lunar days

Rapidly Approaching

I have a perpetual erection from having to study for finals. So I've been back and forth to the doctor and using Peapod grocery delivery service to bring me rolls of medical tape. Its hard for me to sleep on my back and when I do fall asleep i have chronic nightmares about being in the library and seeing someone but not knowing whether I know them well enough to stop and say hello. My roomate tricked me into thinking that the problem stemmed from me having amenhoria. I started eating a lot more protein and drinking cranberry juice to get rid of the problem. I got sick from cranberry juice because appraently I am allergic. I thew-up a significant fraction of my body weight. I found out throwing up made it worse. Then I found what amenhoria was. I got angry. But I turned my anger into productivty and started writing creative fiction about what the winter holdiays mean to me. That is the main set of reasons I have not posted posts for a while. Also, I've recently gotten into jogging.

An Intense Introduction

Who were you girl sitting to the right of on my flight back to school? What was your name beautiful stranger? I have a secret. I thought if I stared at you long enough you would turn to me and say 'ok'. Then you would remove your clothing. I would unbunkle my belt and tell all the passengers around me to avert their eyes. Then I would flick a newborn baby on the head so it would begin to fuss and cry. Of course I would apologize to the mother, but would also say that the crying of your infant will mask the ubiquitous sound of love making formed between me and a total stranger. If we hit turbulence I would not get back into my seat, but countinue shouting obscene nouns and telling the flight attedents to leave me alone because I don't want anything to drink. When we were finished, we would make akward small talk like old people do when they want to vicariously live through young people. We would exit the plane and probably never see each other again; two young lovers sharing a moment lasting the remaineder of our lives.