Guide to American Youth

First a quick survey

1)Are you more likely to elicit the scent of French Fries or a combination of saffron and basmati rice?
2)Can you (boys) pull off wearing white capris without looking like a vocal member of the gay lesbian and bisexual alliance?
3)Are you more likely to be able to recite your fantasy baseball team by heart or name capitals of at least three countries in Africa?
4)Do you (girls) wear sun glasses that make you seem that you were created by a scientist and instead of giving you a face he gave you a tortoise shell colored plastic blob, then he died before he could give you your real face. So you went to the town below and made friends with a character played by winnona ryder, but the rest of the townspeople didn't understand you, and chased you away, so you went back to live a life of solitude?
5)Are you more likely to have a tatoo of you high fiving your friends when an attractive member of the opposite sex passes by or a tatoo of a tribal band that has some actual signifigance?

If you you answered either answered yes to question 2 , not to question 4, or agreed with the second senario of questions 1, 3, or 5 than you are a foriegner. And you might not understand what it means to be an American. It is very hard to define what it means to be an American. America is a melting pot of different peoples and cultures formed from the greatest governmental experiment in human history.

I personally can't define what being American is, but if your not from here, I can give you pointers to fit in with youth culture.
- When you are driving with friends and traffic is bad, remind your friends that traffic sucks and the driver in front of you is probably old or asian. They will laugh even if you do not deliver the joke well.
- If someone says something about art or culture say dude that so gay. (Gay equals bad by the way). If they put together an intelligent argument to counterpoint repeat the word gay until they stop trying to express themselves.
-(for girls) If a popular song comes on the radio say this is my favorite song. You can say this as many times as you want for as many different songs as you want. And sing along to the song, but make sure you don't know all the words.
- If you know a movie supposed to be an independent film and you are with people you know, its okay to say 'o man this is so weird, I don't get it but i guess thats the point'. You only need to watch one independent movie during the course of your life, so you compare everything weird that ever happens during your lifetime to that one film.
- If anyone starts a story with back in the day, be prepared to laugh when everyone else laughs. For example, "Back in the day, uh, do you remember nickalodean cartoons like AH real Monsters." You should already be chortling at the silent 'e' in the word like.
-Keep up with facebook pulse and change your favorites accordingly to what is most popular at your school. And if any of the artists are African American, its probably just a phase people are going through. You can keep your profile all cacausian and when your friends stop liking the rapper of the month remind them that you were always racist and never liked the artist at all.
-lastly, if your walking somewhere, anywhere really, don't notice anything that is going on around you. You can even make it a game and completely stop, let someone run into you, the person who ran into you will say excuse me or I'm sorry. Remember that and you can use it to get yourself off before bedtime.